Many want to achieve an intense orgasm. But how can you make an orgasm more perverted? Well, by ruining it, of course. When it comes to BDSM or kink, many people often break out the whips, chains, and buckets of lube to don a full latex body. But why not start with a universally loved aspect of sex: the orgasm.
What is a ruined orgasm?
A ruined orgasm is when a person has reached the peak of their sexual intensity and is on the way to orgasm, but at the last moment it is ruined. There may be elements of sadism or masochism based on the expressed desires of the person having the experience. So ruined orgasms are about a few things: control, domination, and power. With the right people, all of these aspects of kink can become super sexy. And although it’s a game of female domination with male play partners, women can enjoy the game of orgasm control too.
Why?
For many, the experience can be a fetish where they get pleasure and satisfaction from denying pleasure.
For the dominant, the appeal of a ruined orgasm likely lies in the satisfaction that comes from control. Controlling a submissive person can be fun.
For the submissive person, a ruined orgasm has several reasons. They may want to experience the disappointment or humiliation of such an experience, or they may want to give themselves over completely to the idea that they are unworthy of this pleasure. A great attraction of submission is the loss of control.
There are different reasons why people enjoy a ruined orgasm. Some subs don’t like the humiliation aspect, but they love the control aspect. Some tops are just there to enjoy the act of serving and don’t care about control, they care about satisfying the bottom’s desires.
Since everyone is different, communication is immensely important here!
What do I need to pay attention to?
As a Dom, it is therefore immensely important to know your partner’s limits. These must be respected so that consensuality is guaranteed. Because if not, it’s no longer fun for anyone.
Is a ruined orgasm the same as edging?
Even though a ruined orgasm seems similar to edging, they are quite different. The purpose of edging is to give more pleasure for longer, while the purpose of a ruined orgasm is to take away pleasure to serve the greater purpose of control.
Orgasm control tips
A successfully ruined orgasm requires one thing above all else: timing, timing, timing! This is why communication is very important. Of course, with couples who already know each other very well, assessing the level of arousal is much easier. Physical and verbal communication signals can hardly be misunderstood.
Pleasure building
First tease him slowly with your hands or mouth. And thus bring variety in terms of pace and pressure. Let his arousal continue to rise, but take a little break in between every now and then – this will drive him crazy! Keep teasing him slowly to build up the sexual tension in him more and more.
You can read about what sex toys can spice up your foreplay here.
Communication and a stop word
As said before, it’s important to have a constant communication with your partner so that both of you will have a nice experience with ruined orgasms.
Regardless of how much experience you have with kink, always remember that feelings (or muscle spasms!) can sometimes come up in the moment and it’s important to have a word to stop play and respect that. This is where a stop word is helpful!
Try using simple words – it can be either a fruit or a color:
- Blue
- Green
- Apple
- Cherry
Restraints
As soon as you notice that he starts whimpering and squirming, he will try to take a hand himself to get the redemption he was denied. You must prevent this at all costs. Therefore, tying his hands to the bed is the best way to stop your sub.
Other restrictions like a blindfold or headphones with music can also be very appealing. This will increase the tension! Because when he can’t see and hear what you’re doing to him, it forces him to focus on your touch.
How do I know when there is no return?
People with penis
To tell when there is no return, notice either that the penis, the perineum, or your prostate is twitching. This is a sure sign that your sub is about to climax. If he starts to dance, stop the stimulation immediately!
People with vulvas
To tell when there’s no turning back, notice either that the cervix is pulsing, the perineum is twitching – this is a good signal of impending orgasm – or that the vaginal muscles are pulsing.
Conclusion
With the right timing, anyone can experience ruined orgasms that increase their desire for a full orgasm immeasurably. Whether or not you end up giving your partner a real orgasm is up to you! But always remember: everything should only happen with mutual consent.